Behind His Blue Eyes
by xXstarryXnightXx
Summary: There's only so much one child can take befoee they snap. Naruto has taken the abuse and the venomous word of the villagers for so long and he has finally began to cave. TRIGGER WARNING; Contains dark themes, depression, etc. Full warning inside.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! So, yeah, be warned, there's some pretty dark content ahead. It's all good though, it's just fiction. The following contains; self harm, suicidal thoughts, abuse, and very explicit language.** **Well, that's about it. Leave comments below thanks guys!! :)**

 **xXstarryxnightXx**

xXxXx

 _Naturo sat alone in the empty classroom, watching the window outside, waiting for the time to pass when Iruka would come back and tell him detention was over. Naruto had just started at the academy, and somehow, he felt like he'd been there forever it seemed. For once, he had somewhere to be and something to do rather than run from villagers and pull pranks constantly. Not that he didn't still love pranks, but it was just a bit boring after so long._

 _After what seemed like forever, Naruto saw Iruka walk back into the room with a bunch of papers in his hands. He put them on his desk at the front of the classroom and sat down again. Iruka looked up at Naruto and said, "Naruto, you can go. Hurry home, okay?"_

 _Naruto nodded limply and stood up from his seat. He asked, "Iruka-sensei?"_

 _Iruka looked up at him. "Yes Naruto?"_

 _Naruto asked, "Will I ever graduate?"_

 _Iruka answered with a light smile, "No. You won't."_

 _Naruto's face turned ghost white. "W-What do you mean?"_

 _Iruka sighed and said, "Look Naruto, you're a demon. You'll never do anything good. No matter how hard you try."_

 _The young Naruto's eyes soon filled with horror and disbelief._

 _Iruka began to laugh as the boy began to panic. Naruto yelled, "You're wrong! I'll prove it! Believe it!"_

 _The laughing got louder and louder as he covered his ears, trying to block out the laughter. Naruto began to scream in frustration and the voices began to flood and control his thoughts. The room around him faded and the thing that filled the empty, black space around him was the laughter in repeat. It rang over and over and over again in a loop._

Naruto woke up and soon realized he had only had a dream. He felt his heart faintly pound, but mostly beating at a normal pace. The young blonde ran his hands over his face and groaned. It was nothing but a nightmare, thankfully. Naruto then realized he had to get up and get ready for his day.

Normally, Naruto would be hungry, but he just shrugged at the lacking of hunger. He got up and began to get dressed. Before he finished putting on his shirt, he started at the healing cuts on his stomach. Normally, they'd heal in a few seconds flat, but when he inflicted the wounds, they stayed like they were normal injuries. Naruto didn't mind, of course, but it did mean he had to be careful how he went about his day and how cautious he was not to let his stomach show.

After the distraction on his stomach was ignored, Naruto finished getting ready and put his headband on. He had his weapons and pouches ready to go. He walked out of his apartmenr early this morning. He locked his apartment door and began to walk to the bridge where he and the rest of Team 7 were supposed to meet up.

The young blonde continued on his way when he began to notice the glares and whispers as he walked down the street.

"Look, its him. What a monster."

"I know, right? Its no wonder he's all alone; nobody wants to befriend a demon like that."

Naruto remained silent as he walked along his normal route to meet his teammates. Naruto never understood why the villagers had to be so horrible to him. Naruto didn't care anymore for answers or defending himself. He stopped caring a long, long time ago. He saw no purpose when it did no good; they still treated him like a monster.

 _I just don't get it... Why can't they just leave me alone? Is that so much to ask for? I don't know how much more I can take of this_ , Natuto thought to himself grimly.

He shrugged away the voices and put his hands in his pockets. There was nothing he could do but keep going amd pretend that he didn't hear their voices and that it didn't bother him at all they were degrading him. Naruto walked to the meeting spot to see Sakura waiting with Sasuke. They were early too? What were the odds.

Naruto walked up and said, "Morning, guys!"

His happy, go-lucky attitude was covering up the true Naruto; the remains of a broken child. Somehow, it always seemed to surpass even Kakashi's senses.

Sakura said, "Good morning."

Sasuke just gave him a nod.

While they weren't exactly his "friends", they were all he had close enough to friends. That was all he really wanted; to have friends. Instead, he played Make-Believe with the two teammates he had. Naruto stood across from them on the otherside of the bridge. He couldn't help but feel like someone was watching him from the bushes or something. Naruto tried to shake off the feeling, but it kept coming back again and again.

Eventually, Sakura sighed and said, "Looks like Kakashi-sensei is late again."

Sasuke commented, "Of course he is. He always is."

Natuto silently agreed. He stood again the railing quietly waiting for his sensei to show up. After a while, there was no sign of him still. Sasuke asked, "What the hell are we doing? He's taking forever."

Naruto turned to him and said, "He'll be here soon... Probably."

Sasuke rolled his eyes and huffed. Sakura sighed and looked at the ground, bored. Naruto wondered if they ever felt like he did so many times... Probably not, he concluded.

 _Jeez, they won't even talk at all. Maybe it's because of me... Yeah, that sounds about right_ , Naruto thought to himself. The continued silence was concerning to the other two genin. Sakura and Sasuke watched Naruto carefully; something wasn't right about Naruto. Even Sasuke was a little concerned. Aftee a while of waiting in silence, Kakashi apeared from thin air.

He greeted, "Yo."

"Kakashi-sensei, your late again!"

He eye smiled and said, "Oops."

Sakura huffed and Sasuke secretly rolled his eyes. Naruto asked, "So, what are we doing today?"

Kakashi answered, losing his eye smile, "Oh, yeah, about that... We don't really have anything to do after all. So, enjoy your day off."

The three genin were now all annoyed. Naruto was a bit more quiet than usual. Kakashi took note of this and concluded he needed to bring this up with Iruka and Tsunade later. Kakashi asked, "Why so quiet, Naruto?"

The other two genin looked at the blonde. Naruto scratched the back of his head and said, "Ah, I'm fine. I stayed up a little late last night. That's all."

Kakashi almost believed him, Sakura did, but Sasuke didn't for a second. Naruto blinked and realized all three eyes were on him. He wasn't sure why they even cared, but part of him wanted them to care, and the other, wanted to push them far away.

"What?" Naruto asked, playing innocent.

The three other ninja pushed the issue aside and then began to split up. Sakura and Sasuke went towards the woods while Kakashi sat on the railing, reading his orange book. Natuto shoved his hands back into his pocket and began to walk away.

Kakashi suddenly spoke and said, "Wait."

Natuto froze and turned to him. What could he possibly want? Kakashi looked up from his book, eyeing the boy from head to toe. Yep, his body language told the Jonin something was definitely off. Naruto seeemed different from his usual self. Kakashi got off the railing and sighed.

"Alright, Natuto," Kakashi said. "I'll give you this one chance to tell me what's gotten into you lately. Don't lie either."

Naruto's chest began to burn. Should he say something? Or should he just leave it alone? Something inside him longed to admit everything, but it was a small need again a huge need to get the hell away from him and lie.

Natuto decided and answered, "Nothings wrong, Kakashi-sensei."

Kakashi's eye narrowed as he watchhed the young boy's body language. He was lying, that much he did know. Kakashi decided to deal with this after his next chat with Iruka and then Tsunade. Kakashi shrugged and said, "Alright, then. You can go."

Naruto nodded and left for home. Naruto didn't feel like his normal training was a good idea, plus, he just wanted to sleep the day away. After all, there was nothing important to do anyway.

Kakashi walked down the street that afternoon to the empty academy after the students had been released to go home for the day. Kakashi walked down the halls to Iruka's classroom and walked into the empty room. Iruka sat his desk with a few papers on it. He looked up as Kakashi walked up.

Kakashi said, "Hey."

Iruka said with a surprised look on his face, "Oh, hey Kakashi. What're you doing here?"

Kakashi walked over and leaned against the wall beside his desk. Iruka turned to him in his chair and Kakashi asked, "Have you talked to Naruto lately?"

Iruka thought for a moment and answered, "Now that you mention it, its been a few days. Why? Is he in trouble?"

Kakashi shook his head and said, "No, nothing like that. He's been acting different."

"Different?"

The gray-haired ninja nodded. "Yeah, he's been quiet lately."

Iruka seemed to freeze for several moments. He finally cleared his throat and asked, "How noticeable is it?"

Kakashi said, "You'd pick up on it, but it's not completely obvious."

"Damnit Naruto," Iruka sighed.

"What's the matter?"

Iruka sighed and said, "He used to get that way when he was in my class, sometimes. As he got older, it got more and more frequent. He used to come in with scrapes and scratches and he'd be fine after that, typically. Sometimes he'd just get so quiet he'd barely talk or goof off. He'd space out and stay that way for a while."

Kakashi's eye widened a little. He asked, "Did you see anything sort of marks that didn't make sense or line up?"

Iruka replied, "Well, yeah, actually. Some of his injuries seemed a little not-so accidental, but he said it was from training, which made sense."

Kakashi tried to put the pieces together, but he was having trouble. Iruka said, "I'll go talk to him soon. In the mean time, I think maybe keeping an eye on his isn't a bad idea if he's acting any more different than usual."

Kakashi nodded. He said, "I'll be looking into it for sure."

Iruka nodded and said, "Let me know if you need anything or want me to talk to him."

Kakashi nodded. With that, Kakashi left without another word. He began to walk towards the door to the classroom. He then decided that he'd need to observe the boy for a short time to prove his now brewing theory correct. The Jonin walked down the halls of the academy and then saw Gai walk by.

Gai smiled and said, "Kakashi, still youthful as ever, my old rival."

Kakashi gave him a nod and Gai noticed the look. Gai asked, "What's the matter?"

Kakashi sighed and stopped walking, as did Gai. Kakashi answered, "It's nothing. Looking into something."

Gai asked intuitively, "Is it about one of your students?"

Kakashi nodded. Gai gave him a nod and said, "Well, if you need any help, let me know. Good luck."

Kakashi nodded and turned away. He walked down the hall with his hands in his pockets. He understood what it was like to be alone. His father died when he was young, he didn't have a mother around, his friends both died, and his sensei died. Kakashi knew what loss was like, what loneliness was and they had been former friends. Kakashi shook the thoughts away and then went to see Tsunade.

"What do you mean, Kakashi?"

"Lady Tsunade, something's going on with Naruto. He's not nearly as hyper, talkative, or lively as he usually is. I can't explain it, but something is off," Kakashi explained.

Tsunade put her hands together and said, "Hmm. I see. Alright then, do what you find nessecary to look after Naruto. Don't let him go astray."

Kakashi nodded. Tsunade said, "I want details of his behavior, injuries, fights, I want you to tell me everything you find useful about his day-to-day life. Understood?"

Kakashi nodded. "Yes."

Tsunade looked puzzled and curious. She asked, "Have a theory yet?"

Kakashi looked at her and said, "Well, he doesn't have a whole lot of people he can rely on. He has friends, but before graduation, he had no friends. I talked to Iruka earlier about Naruto's past history."

Tsunade got the run down of what Iruka told Kakashi and she asked, "Do you know what this means?"

Kakashi said calmly, "I have a theory. I don't like it, but I think I'm right."

Tsunade had a knowing look in her eyes. She said, "Alright, well, gather evidence."

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 **Hey guys! I hope you liked the chapter, I know it's kinda short, but I'll try to update a lot. What did you guys think? Comment your thoughts. Thank guys!**

 **-xXstarryxnightXx**


	2. Chapter 2

**I appreciate all you guys for the follows and favorites, I'll probably do seporate chapters for questions in the reviews and stuff if you guys would like.** **Keep reviewing and reading!**

 **Anyway, onto the story!**

 **-xXstarryxnightXx**

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Naruto sat at home later in the afternoon on his bed. He didn't feel like getting up or doing anything at all. He could only revisit his nightmares. Only one thing seemed to calm him or make him feel human when the rest of the world didn't. Naruto looked at his special Kunai on the table beside his bed next to his alarm clock. He picked it up slowly and looked down at the smooth edges of what kept his greif and guilt at bay when nothing else did. He took a deep breath and looked down at his arms. He could've sworn he felt someone watching him, but he didn't feel like getting up to go hide and relieve his agony. He lifted his shirt up and began to dig into his skin. He felt the smooth edge go across his stomach, but he felt nothing. Normally, he tried to avoid cutting his arms in case something happened to where his jacket needed to come off, but it seemed it would be the only way to satisfy the need to feel pain.

Naruto held out his wrist and slid the Kunai across his flesh. He let out a sigh as he continued to do it over and over again. After about 15 cuts varying from scratches to bleeding cuts. He put the Kunai back on his nightstand and laid back on his bed and looked up at the ceiling.

 _Why do they have to do this to me? I've never done anything to them... So why?_ Naruto thought to himself grimly. There was no reason for any of it. Naruto was trapped in a world that didn't want him and clearly hated him. He felt there was no need for him, that there was no reason to hang around anymore. He was trying to see just how things would turn out, and he was finally deciding once again that it was amost time for him to leave. He didn't want to burden anyone anymore.

Naruto wasn't quite ready yet; part of him still hoped there would be at least one reason to stay. Just one would be enough to keep him going, or so he hoped at least. In that moment, there wasn't a whole lot for him to be happy about. He was slowly starting to lose his faith in finding one thing to keep him going. Naruto remembered the dream he had about Iruka and remembered Iruka saying if Naruto didn't try hard enough, he'd never graduate. The other teachers would laugh at Iruka and tell him he was a fool for believing in the boy.

At least Iruka cared enough to encourage the boy to try harder. Iruka was proud when Naruto graduated and still talked to him from time to time. Naruto also remembered the few times Iruka would see bruises and scratches from the villagers and from training so hard. Before he graduated, Naruto also started hurting himself to feel anything at all. Iruka noticed and Naruto made him believe it was from training or some freak accident. Iruka would hesitate and leave the boy alone at that. Naruto knew to be careful around Iruka; he'd tell Lord Hokage in a heart beat. Before long, Naruto was asleep once again.

Soon after he fell asleep, his window opened. Natuto didn't even stir. Kakashi suddenly appeared right beside where Naruto was sleeping. He walked over to the young blonde and saw the Kunai beside his bed, which at the moment, didn't seem odd. Kakashi then noticed Naruto's arm was exposed. He knelt down and saw the damage for himself. The scratches seemed a little too straight and clean for them to be accidental injuries.

Kakashi looked at his student with a bit of guilt and sympathy. He should've seen this coming sooner or later. Kakashi took out the medical kit Tsunade gave him in case Naruto needed it. Kakashi dug around and found bandages and rubbing alcohol. Kakashi somehow cleared the injuries and watched them disappear with every rub of alcohol. He put up the bandages and rubbing alcohol, seeing that theu weren't needed anymore.

It surprised him that Naruto didn't even budge; he must've been exhausted. Kakashi knew he'd have to tell Tsunade what he saw and he wasn't looking forward to this conversation. He already knew she'd freak out and Naruto would do the same thing. Kakashi went over and turned the lights out in Naruto's room and then heard him moving.

"No... Stop it..." Naruto muttered in his sleep.

Kakashi moved closer to the boy and heard him mutter, "...Don't understand... Never did anything to you... Why?"

Kakashi felt his heart drop a little when he heard that. He cut the light back on and walked over to Naruto. He looked at him closely and noticed he was sweating. Kakashi went to touch the boy and Naruto curled into a ball. Kakashi opened the medical box again and looked for anything to help. He found the sedative Tsunade was talking about that helped with sleep and anxiety.

Kakashi found the needle and gave Natuto the sedative. The boy jerked in his sleep, but then relaxed a little bit after a few moments. Kakashi put everything back in the box and put the box in a seal for storage. He went back and turned off the lights before he departed.

He then appeared in Tsunade's office. Tsunade looked startled and she said, "Kakashi! What the hell?"

Kakashi rubbed the back of his neck and said, "Sorry, I just went to see Naruto."

Tsunade forgot his sudden appearance and focused on what he just said. She asked, "What did you find out?"

Kakashi answered, "He was asleep, so I entered his apartment. His arm was covered in numerous cuts that seem too orderly to be accidents. I gave him the sedative and left since he was talking in his sleep."

Tsunade nodded and said, "Alright then. We'll evaluate the situation over time and see what happens. Hopefully, the sedative doesn't make him suspicious of our monitoring. Anyway, good work Kakashi. When you see Naruto tomorrow, tell him to come to my office at once."

Kakashi nodded and said, "Yes ma'am."

He turned to thin air. Tsunade laced her fingers tightly together and she asked quietly, "Why, Naruto? Why do this to yourself? It's not like you..."

She drifted off into another thought about finishing up her work so she could have the time to meet him the next day and she even gathered another sedative in case he tried to get away from her during their meeting the next morning and that was no ideal, but it would have to do. Tsunade prepared for all possible outcomes and then finished her work for the night.

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The next morning, Naruto woke up feeling as if he'd been drugged. He slowly sat up and rolled down his sleeves. He woke up just in time for the alarm clock to go off and he shut it off. He got up and went to the bathroom to check on his injuries from the other night. The cuts where healing just fine and they'd be gone by the end of the day at the latest knowing his ability to heal. For some reason, his body healed slower when he injured himself intentionally, but otherwise, healed super fast.

 _That's weird... Normally, they would be healed by now. I wonder what's going on,_ Naruto thought to himself.

After a few minutes, he got dressed for the new day. He went to his kitchen to get some ramen when he noticed a note by the front door. Someone slipped it under the door and it was adressed to Naruto.

 **Naruto, Lord Hokage wants to see you ASAP. Go straight to her office when you read this. No missions today or training.**

 **-Kakashi**

Naruto scratched his head and wondered what was going on. He decided to make his instant ramen and quickly ate so he could go see Lady Tsunade. Something about this meeting didn't feel right. Something was not normal, and Naruto knew it. He tried to push the thoughts aside that they were probably mad at him for something or may have been onto him and his habits. No, there was no way; they were too dense to notice thanks to his mask he hid behind. There was no way... Right?

Naruto finished his ramen and left his apartment to go see Lady Tsunade at her office. He walked down the street as people glared and watched him. Some paid him no mind and the rest, well, weren't so happy to see him at all. He tried to ignore the whispers and sneering, but it was hard to do. Still, he kept on his way.

When he finally made it to the Hokage's office, he knocked on the door.

"Come in," someone shouted from the otherside of the door.

Naruto opened the door to see Kakashi, Lady Tsunade, and Iruka. Tsunade stayed behind her desk as Naruto walked in silently panicking inside.

"You wanted to see me, Granny Tsunade?" Naruto asked in a normal tone.

She nodded and said, "Yes, I do. Have a seat."

The blond did as told and sat near Iruka and Kakashi by her desk. Tsunade tilted her head and asked, "How've you been doing?"

"Fine, same as always," Naruto answered with a confused look on his face, "Why do you ask?"

Kakashi asked abruptly, "How'd you sleep last night?"

"F-Fine... Why are you guys asking me weird questions? Also, why is Iruka-sensei here too?"

Iruka sat beside Natuto and sighed. "Roll up your sleeves."

"W-What? Why?"

"Just do it," Tsunade growled with irritation.

Naruto shook his head, "No."

Before he knew what was going on, Kakashi yanked up his sleeves and exposed the lacerations on his arms that had yet to fully heal. Moments after, Iruka and Kakashi held Naruto's arms down so Tsunade could look at them. She got up from her desk and examined thr damage.

She sucked in a deep breath and said, "Naruto, look at me."

He put his head down when his arms were exposed and he didn't lift his head when she asked him to. Tsunade knelt down in front of him and hugged him.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Iruka asked softly.

Naruto felt the tears start to flood from his eyes. He wasn't sure how to feel at that moment; scared or upset.

Tsunade let go if him and made him look her in the eyes by lifting his chin to level their eyes.

She said quietly, "I know you don't like being alone, nobody truly does. Just understand we're here for you even if you feel like nobody is. We're worried about you."

Naruto just nodded, unable to come up with anything to say. Kakashi had a sad look in his eye when he saw Naruto's mask fall. Naruto reminded Kakashi of himself when he was not much older than Naruto.

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 **Sorry it took forever to update, guys. If you like this story, don't forget to check out my other Naruto fanfics and so much more on my page. Review and favorite down below. Thanks for reading!!**

 **-xXstarryxnightXx**


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